Radioactive
by cartoon moomba
Summary: Noel Kreiss first falls in love when he is three. Noel/Yeul, Noel/Serah, onesided for both.


**Disclaimer: **Final Fantasy XIII-2 does not belong to me.

**AN: **I don't particularly like Noel with anyone, or even Serah with anyone – but Yeul and Serah are some of my favourite characters (or, let's face it: I love them all) and the similarities/differences between them drew me in, viewed from Noel's perspective.

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_Radioactive_

o

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Noel Kreiss first loves Yeul, and he loves her the exact same way that he loves life – passionately, completely, and often desperately. Yeul, who is the kindest person he has ever met (granted, he hasn't met many) and who even in these dark times, has the most gentle soul. He loves her for her quiet voice; for her elegant way of speech, even if her body has a permanent limp as she walks. He loves the small, mysterious smiles she gets sometimes as she stares into the distance after her visions, and even the way her face falls with tragedy at others. He loves the way she tries to hide it from him, smiling brightly in denial when he asks.

He loves the way she says his name – "Noel…" – and how her lips seem to give it new life, shaping each letter and syllable perfectly. He loves her eyes, bright with hope and wise beyond her body's years. He loves her hair, and the way she obsesses over caring for it with what little supplies they have.

He loves the way she is eternally fragile in her human body, even if her soul is almost as old as the world itself – he thrives on knowing that after all but the three of them are gone, the duty of protecting her falls solely to him in the absence of her Guardian. He is almost glad for all the times Caius disappears, if not for the palpable sadness it brings her. He hates Caius but knows that Yeul would not be the Yeul she is without him.

(He does not entirely understand what it means that she is as eternal as her Guardian – Caius is forever trapped within this body of his, never aging a day beyond. The foreign heart within him protects him from disease or decay; Yeul, on the other hand, he has seen since her birth. He has been there for every one of her birthdays, for her first words and first smile and first tears. He has held her when she was happy, when she was sad, and ultimately – when she was dead.)

Noel Kreiss first falls in love when he is three, and his heart first dies from it when he is eighteen – all at the sight of the very same face.

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Noel Kreiss second finds himself falling in love with Serah. It is not immediate, as it was with Yeul when he was barely a child – it takes time, and it creeps up on him inbetween the rings of the Historia Crux and in the corners of Serah's warm smiles. This love, reflecting this weary Noel, is no longer as passionate and full of life as his love for Yeul was; this love is of the quiet sort, of the type that both warms and hurts his heart. His heart, which had already been shattered from Yeul's passing - in retrospect, Noel will want to almost describe his love for Serah as what fixed it.

He compares her to his Yeul often – he has no other way of observing people, having known barely any. He begins loving Serah for her kindness and gentle ways, both traits that he is well familiar with. He also loves her for her determination; for her strength with the bow and aptitude for magic, for the way she quickly learns which way is the best for chaining spells to strike at weak points. He loves her quiet apologies after the battles, whispered under her breath with eyes downcast. He loves that she does not enjoy killing, and the way she cuddles Mog close to her for comfort as the drift through the Historia Crux. He loves the way she never tries to force the details of his past out of him.

He loves the way she says his name – "Noel…" – and how her lips seem to give it new life, shaping each letter and syllable perfectly. He loves her eyes, bright with hope and wise beyond her body's years. He loves her hair, and the way she obsesses over caring for it with what little supplies they have.

(He tries not to think about those quirks of hers too much.)

Where the similarities end, Serah is selfish where the Yeul he knew was selfless; she is outspoken where Yeul was soft. She is the passion to Yeul's thoughtfulness and strong to her fragility. Noel was forever chasing to protect Yeul, whereas Serah has already had enough and decided it was _her _time to chase and protect.

Then the one similarity shared, beyond all of this:

_They were both in already in love_.

He couldn't compete with Caius, and once he meets Snow, he knows he can't compete with him either – the difference is that now, he doesn't even try. He may be alive but often he dreams that he is still walking the Dead Dunes with no hope in sight, going through the motions of living upon awakening.

Sometimes he wonders if perhaps he did die back there and all of this is heaven.

When he and Serah are together he feels lighter, as if she is the sun bringing light back into his dark reality. If it were not for the constant appearances of Caius and Yeul (never his Yeul, never again, which makes things _easier_) he would have believed it. He would have accepted that this adventure with the pink-haired young woman by his side was his reward. He would have wanted it never to end – the laugher, the smiles, the shared sense of security. When it's just him and Serah (and Mog) floating lazily through the tunnel of the Historia Crux, he feels bliss unlike any other he has ever felt.

It is this bliss he feels as they fall through the sky towards Sazh's airship together; he lands first, holding out his hands to Serah as she grins jubilantly at him and links her hands with him. They stay like that for several moments, just smiling at each other, before she moves away. He feels as if he might burst with happiness.

"Hey, Noel…" He turns and there she stands, nervously playing with her fingers behind her back. The smile she sends him trembles, eyes bright with unshed tears. "Thank you…"

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Their last words are: of hope, and of gratitude. And Noel wishes that Etro's gate never opened to him, never brought him to Serah and subsequently her to Etro's gift upon his arrival. He wishes he had been strong enough to protect them both – he feels as if everything he touches turns to dust.

Noel, finally, dies along with them.

_You don't have to cry. We will meet again. Thank you… You don't have to cry. We will meet again. Thank you… You don't have to cry. We will meet again. Thank you…_

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Noel Kreiss first falls in love when he is three, and by the time he is eighteen, his heart has died twice from it. He does not let it be reborn.


End file.
